I have had a week to put this last week in perspective and share it in good humor. Last week I kept losing things; I couldn't remember where I put things, what I was supposed to do, where I was supposed to be.
Last Tuesday morning I went for a walk, came home, got ready to go to Chapel and could not find my eyeglasses anywhere! I looked high and low, in every drawer, in between the sheets, under cushions, outside, no glasses. It took me one hour but I found them; on a tray I put on top of the refrigerator. Huh? Needless to say, I missed Chapel. Another day I printed off some assignments and promptly misplaced the sheets, finally found those. I lost my phone, lost my calendar and lost my patience!! I spent my week looking for lost toys, feeling lost, and feeling off balance because of changes in life.
Life is changing, it's supposed to. I'm changing, I'm supposed to. Seminary is about change. Change is giving up the big stuff like dear friends & companions, Saturday night movies, my church home, AU football tickets/weekends and Publix. (Those who know me, know I love going to the grocery store and there is not a grocery in Austin anything like Publix or The Pig-so I'm really at a loss!) It also means giving up the little stuff, weekly manicures, my local library card, and walking the Lakeshore Trail.
Change is about finding. Finding new ways to do and be, new places to go. It's learning new ways of expressing myself. And, change is also about being found. Here's what I believe about being found; it's all there. We have all we need to be all we already are.
So... go, do, be, find, change, discover, risk.
Thanks be to God!
"...deny oneself and take up one's cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses one's life for me will find it." Mt 16:24
Hey, Donna! I was going to send you a little "check-in" note on Facebook, but I decided to look at your blog instead. Rich stuff here! Going to seminary is a lot about giving up and change. I used to go every Alabama home game and still make it to church on Sunday. (Sadly, it was about my only hobby.) People may start judging by a higher standard too -- whether that's completely fair or not. They think you are some kind of "super person" that can, and should, do no wrong. When you prove to be mortal, everybody can seem surprised and disappointed. I used to dream of being wealthy and carefree, but now I live pretty simply. It's not a bad thing, but your ordination can be a pretty heavy burden at times. It nevers fails that I think, "It sure would be easy to live life if I weren't a Christian or a priest." Maybe so. Anyway, I didn't intend on this being a downer. You are a lot more positive than I am, so you're going to be fine. Hell, if I can make it for 4 years now, you can certainly make it 40. I'm praying for you and hope you are very, very well.
ReplyDeleteGreetings Wise One! I think about you often and have had you especially on my mind recently as I have anticipated our wisdom circle gathering, which was tonight. Our gathering inspired me to check in to your blog to catch up on what you're up to. I loved hearing about the "Oh my...what have I gotten myself into" moment because it is so full of rich insightfulness. You are an amazing person, and I am so proud of you for the courage you have shown in making sacrifices and letting change occur. Hang in there and keep up the good work. You are always in my prayers, sister!
ReplyDeleteLove, Joy, and Wisdom,
Susan